Women in a Qur'anic Society III

Continued from:
4. THE EXTENDED FAMILY
Closely intertwined with interdependence is the fourth basic characteristic of
the Qur'anic society which serves to improve male-female relations. This is the
institution of the extended family. In addition to the members of the nucleus
that constitutes the family- mother, father and their children-the Islamic family
or 'a'ilah also includes grandparents, uncles, aunts and their offspring.
Normally Muslim families are "residentially extended;" that is, their members
live communally with three or more  generations of relatives in a single
building or compound. Even where this  residential version of the extended
family is not possible or adhered to,  family connections reaching far beyond
the nuclear unit are evident in strong psychological, social, economic and even
political ties.
The extended family solidarity is prescribed and strengthened by the Holy
Qur'an, where we find repeated references to the rights of kin (17:23-26; 4:7-
9; 8:41; 24:22; etc.) and the importance of treating them with kindness (2 :83;
16: 90; etc.). Inheritance portions, for not only the nuclear family members but
those of the extended family as well,  are specifically prescribed (2:180-182;
4:33,176). Dire punishment is threatened for those who ignore these measures
for intra-family support (4:7-12). The extended family of Islamic culture is
thus not merely a product of social conditions, it is an institution anchored in
the word of God Himself and buttressed by Qur'anic advice and rules.
The extended family is an institution which can provide tremendous benefits
for both women and men when it exists in conjunction with the other basic
characteristics of a Qur'anic society.
1) It guards against the selfishness or eccentricity of any one party, since the
individual faces not a single spouse but a whole family of peers, elders and
children if he or she goes "off course."
2) It allows for careers for women without detriment to themselves, spouse,
children or elders, since there are always other adults in the home to assist the
working wife or mother. Career women in an Islamic extended family suffer
neither the physical and emotional burden of overwork nor the feeling of guilt
for neglecting maternal, marital or familial responsibilities. In fact, without
this sort of family institution, it is impossible to imagine any feasible solution
for the problems now facing Western society. As more and more women enter
the work force, the nuclear family is unable to sustain the needs of its
members. The difficulties in the single parent family are of course magnified a
hundred-fold. The strain that such family systems put on the working woman
are devastating to the individual as well as to the marriage and family bonds.
The dissolutions of families which result and psychological and social
ramifications of the high divorce rate in America and other Western nations
are the growing concern of doctors, lawyers, psychiatrists and sociologists as
well as, of course, of the unfortunate victims of these phenomena.
3) The extended family insures the adequate socialisation of children. A
mother's or father's advice in a nuclear or single parent family may be difficult to be followed by an unruly or obstinate child, but the combined pressure of
the members of a strong extended family is an effective counter to nonconformance or disobedience.
4) The extended family provides for psychological and social diversity in
companionship for adults as well as children. Since there is less dependence
on the one-to-one relationship, there are less emotional demands on each
member of the family. A disagreement  or clash between adults, children or
between persons of different generations does not reach the damaging
proportions it may in the nuclear family. There are always alternative family
members on hand to ease the pain and  provide therapeutic counselling and
companionship. Even the marriage bond is not put to the enormous strains that
it suffers in the nuclear family.
5) The extended family or a'ilah guards against the development of the
generation gap. This social problem arises when each age group becomes so
isolated from other generations that it finds difficulty in achieving successful
and meaningful interaction with people of a different age level. In the 'a'ilah,
three or more generations live together and constantly interact with one
another. This situation provides beneficial learning and socialisation
experiences for children and the necessary sense of security and usefulness for
the older generation.
6) The 'a'ilah eliminates the problems of loneliness which plague the isolated
and anonymous dwellers in the urban centres of many contemporary societies.
The unmarried woman, or the divorced or widowed woman in an Islamic
extended family will never suffer the problems that face such women in
contemporary American society, for example. In a Qur'anic society, there is no
need for the commercial computer dating establishments, the singles' clubs
and bars, or the isolation of senior citizens in retirement villages or old
people's homes.
The social and psychological needs of the individual, whether male or female,
are cared for in the extended family.
As marriage-bonds grow more and more fragile in Western society, women
tend to be the chief victims of the change. They are less able to re-establish
marriage or other bonds than men, and they are more psychologically
damaged by these losses.
7) The extended family provides a more feasible and humane sharing of the
care of the elderly. In the nuclear family unit, the care of the elderly parent or
parents of one spouse may fall entirely on one individual, usually the mother
of the family. She must provide for the extra physical care as well as for the
emotional well-being of the elderly. This is a tremendous burden on a woman
who probably has children's and husband's needs to attend to as well. If she is
a working mother, the burden can be unmanageable; and the elderly are put in
an old peoples' home to await death.  With the shared responsibilities and
duties that the extended family provides, the burden is significantly lightened .
5. A PATRIARCHAL FAMILY ORGANIZATION
The fifth basic characteristic of a Qur'anic society is that it is patriarchal.
Contrary to the goals of the Women's Liberation movement, the Qur'an calls for a society which assigns the ultimate leadership and decision-making role in
the family to men.
Any society is made up of smaller organisations of humans, governments,
political parties, religious organisations, commercial enterprises, extended
families, etc. Each of these organs needs to be stable, cohesive and
manoeuvrable if it is to be beneficial to its constituents. In order to acquire
these characteristics, the organisation  must assign ultimate responsibility to
some individual or some group within its ranks.
Therefore, the citizens may vote, parliament may legislate, and the police may
enforce the law; but it is ultimately the head of state that carries the burden of
making the crucial decisions for the nation, as well as the  onus or approval,
i.e., the responsibility, for those decisions. In like manner, the work of a
factory is conducted by many individuals, but all of them are not equally
capable of making the ultimate decisions for the company. Neither is each
employee equally charged with the responsibility for the organisation's success
or failure.
The family also has need for someone to carry the burden of ultimate
responsibility for the whole. The Qur'an has assigned this role to the most
senior male member of the family. It is this patriarchal assignment of power
and responsibility which is meant by such expressions as "wa lil rijali
'alathinna darajatun " (2.228; see supra, pp. 40, 41), and "al-rijalu qawwdmuna
'ala al-nisa'i.... " (4:34). Contrary to misrepresentations by the Qur'an's
enemies, these passages do not mean the subjugation of women to men in a
gender-based dictatorship. Such an interpretation shows a blatant disregard of
the Qur'an's repeated calls for the equality of the sexes and for its command to
show respect and kindness to women. The passages in question point instead
to a means for avoiding internal dissension and indecision for the benefit of all
family members. They advocate for a patriarchal society.
In addition, we would draw attention to the use of the word qawwamun in the
statement, al-rijalu qawwamuna 'ala al-nisa'i ... (4:34). Certainly the verb
qawwama, from which the verbal noun qawwamun is derived, does not imply
despotic overlordship. Instead, the term refers to the one who stands up (from
qama, "to stand") for another in a protective and benevolent way. If an
autocratic or domineering role for the male half of the society had been meant,
there are many other verbal derivatives which would have been more
applicable, for example, musaytirun and muhayminun Other instances of the
Qur'anic use of the term qawwamun  confirm this supportive rather than
authoritarian or tyrannical meaning of the term (see 4:127-135; 5:9).
Ascription of a different significance to the passage in question is, therefore,
ideologically inconsistent as well as linguistically unsupportable.
Why should the Qur'an specify male leadership for the 'a'ilah, i.e., a patriarchal
family, rather than a matriarchal organisation? The Qur'an answers that
question in the following manner: Men are in charge of women, because Allah
has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their
property (for the support of women)....(4:34)
Physical and economic contributions and responsibility are, therefore, the
Qur'anic reasons for proposing a patriarchal rather than a matriarchal society. Some Westerners, confronted by the  problems of contemporary society, are
beginning to ask such questions as: Where can we turn for help? What can we
do in the face of the present social disintegration? It is a time of despair and
searching as Western society reels under the blows of steadily increasing
personal disorientation and societal dissolution.
What can we do as Muslims to help? First of all, we must build true Qur'anic
societies throughout the Muslim World.  Without these, we cannot establish
equitable and viable accommodation for the interaction of men and women in
society. In addition, we cannot hope to establish in the coming generations a
respect for and loyalty to our societies and their accompanying institutions if
pseudo-Islamic societies are the only ones we are capable of producing and
maintaining. Pseudo-Islamic measures or institutions are actually anti-Islamic;
for they posit a model which cannot be respected, and attach to it the label of
"islam" in the minds of many Muslims as well as non-Muslim. this results in a
wrongful transfer of the onus of the faulty institution to the religion of Islam
itself.
We must educate our fellow Muslims-and especially the youth for they are the
leaders of tomorrow-with regard to the importance and viability of their
(Qur'anic traditions concerning women, the family and society. Despite the
failure of alternative contemporary Western social patterns, some Muslims
seem to hanker after the Western brand of sexual equality, its unisex ideas and
modes of behaviour, overemphasis on individualism or personal freedom from
responsibility, and the nuclear family system. We must awake to the dangers
which accompany such social ideas and practices. If the consequences of these
ideas and practices are not pointed out and combated, we are doomed to an
unfortunate future as such social experiments are to fail ultimately.
But even this is not an adequate response for us as Muslims. As vicegerents of
Allah on earth (2:30), it is our duty to be concerned about the whole world and
about all of God's creatures. In the light of the command to propagate the will
of Allah in every corner of the earth, we should not neglect to suggest or offer
the good that we know to others. It is time for Islam and the Muslims to
present their solutions of the problems  of contemporary society, not only to
the Muslim audience, but to the non-Muslim audience as well. This can and
should be done through the living example of true Qur'anic societies in which
the problems of men and women are resolved. It should also be done through
informative writings and discussions  by our scholars which could be made
available to Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
There is no better way to serve the will of Allah and the whole of mankind.
There is no better da'wah than such offering of a helping hand to the struggling
victims of contemporary society.